A Friend, Not a Brother

When discussing the site of g.org during my ABC's of the Internet project, I noted that "I do have some history with Freemasonry (it's complicated and I may go into it one day, but for now let's just say that I'm not a mason, not even a wayward one)." And, now, that day has come.

Pictured: As of the posting of this, the main database doesn't seem to be in the loop. That will be remedied soon enough I imagine.

Before we get started, I did swear an oath to keep certain things secret. As I'll elaborate, I have been released from that oath and no longer have to keep them secret. However, I'll largely be trying to not actually run afoul of spilling the beans out of respect. If you really want to know, you can find things pretty easily online (though there is a bunch of misinformation out there) or you can just join yourself (numbers of basically all fraternal orders are dwindling, I'm sure they'd be happy to have you). If joining is at all entering your calculus, I'd suggest making sure you don't spoil things for yourself online. Just know that you have to ask them.

So, this is going to be less of a discussion of Freemasonry itself and more of just a discussion of my experience. It's quite frankly more a discussion of my transition than anything else. My phone also got wiped since these events so I'm going off of memory for some of this and a detail or two may be mixed up inadvertently. And, lastly (for the uninitiated) Freemasonry is largely a men only organization and my lodge was one such lodge. This becomes relevant later.

On to my story!

Back when I was in law school, I had a friend of mine that had just become a Freemason via a friend of theirs. I was curious about the organization, largely due to its history and ties to major American founders such as George Washington, John Hancock and Benjamin Franklin. I asked them a few questions and eventually got invited to a kind of "bring a friend" night where I got to meet everyone and even see the inside of the temple! I was hooked. I went through the application, interview and background checks and soon found myself getting ready to be initiated into the order. I was passed and raised to a full member shortly thereafter. I was becoming a semi-active member, being increasingly involved with lodge activities whenever I could spare the time.

Pictured: My card.

As with a lot of things in my life, everything changed in January 2022. For those who haven't read around the blog just yet, that was the month I had to take my first mandatory vacation in a psych ward and came out as transgender (I actually came out as genderfluid at first while I was still figuring things out, though I later settled into my identity as transfemme non-binary).

In the very early days of my transition, I didn't really feel comfortable leaving the apartment presenting as female due to insecurities. I remember attending what would be my final meeting during this time, leaning heavily on my brothers due to the trauma I had just endured. They were extraordinarily supportive of my stay in the hospital, though I kept my newfound gender identity to a few within the lodge.

Within a semi-short period, I then became uncomfortable wearing men's clothing at all due to dysphoria and a better understanding of my gender identity. I could really only wear a dress at this time. It was made clear to me that I would not be allowed to attend a meeting in a dress (though I did argue that I should be able to). I accepted this, probably because I knew that I'd eventually be more comfortable with my suits. I just needed my transition to progress a bit to get to that point.

Pictured: A photo of me from this time period. The dysphoria was really bad at the beginning and dresses helped so much.

Right as I was able to wear a dress shirt (with the first few buttons undone) and pants, there was a lodge-wide text that the dress code would be more strictly enforced, with a suit being required for all meetings. I know this update had nothing to do with me specifically but the timing was absolutely terrible. I asked for an exception to this policy so I could attend a meeting but was denied. So I resigned to waiting, again.

Eventually, I was far enough in my transition that I was able to wear suits again and still feel feminine enough not to have the crippling dysphoria. It was quite a great day personally; I always liked suits and quite missed them. But it also meant that I could attend a meeting! I'd missed everyone. But with impeccable timing, the dress code was updated again to require a suit and tie at all meetings (and tuxedos for others).

But yet again, I eventually got to where I needed to be. In May 2023, almost a year and a half after I'd come out, I finally was able to wear a tie. It wasn't a necktie (I still don't wear those), but it was still a huge personal milestone. A few months later, I became less busy in my occupation and received word that a brother I considered a personal friend of mine was going to lead an upcoming ceremony. I felt the stars had finally aligned.

Pictured: The first day I wore a tie again!

A fateful October evening, I would go to the lodge for the last time as a mason. At first, everything seemed normal, I was saying hi to people I hadn't seen for over a year and enjoying being back. But, before the ceremony, I was pulled aside by the prior, current, and future master of the lodge. I was informed that, even though I'd made it, my identity and appearance would cause "confusion in the craft" and that I would not be allowed to attend the ceremony.

To say I was disheartened would be an understatement. I remember needing a moment to step aside and nearly crying during it. Despite all I'd gone through, it still meant quite a lot to me. Coming back to the metaphorical table, I was offered the ability to attend some meetings in the future, but not all (and not the most important ones). I stated that if I would not be a full mason, I considered myself released from my obligations and no longer a mason, which was accented to by all present.

Despite the rocky way things ended, I do not have an issue with Freemasonry outside the whole "men only" thing, though I also understand that the tide of history is slowly chipping away at the restriction (going to take ages given its current rate but it's something worth noting). On the contrary, I greatly appreciated my time in the organization. I made friends I'd have never met otherwise, got a glimpse into a truly historical fraternity, and learned quite a bit about myself and people in general.

I also no longer accept degrees from organizations due to this experience (though I may make an exception for an organization I feel will always see me as one of their own, no matter my path). This is not out of spite, but as an internal recognition that I have my own inherent authority on equivalent footing as anyone else on this planet. So I have Freemasonry to thank for that rule in my practice.

Now, I'm going to be dropping off my membership card at Grand Lodge tomorrow to make everything official with them. I was initially planning on hanging onto this as a memento of my time, but it feels like the right thing to do after receiving a copy of their magazine at my new address I didn't give them.

Pictured; The magazine. RIP this guy btw.

So there you go. My Freemasonry story. As a final thing, I'd like to send an open letter to my old lodge specifically (as well as any and all Freemasons) who are reading this.

***

My former brother(s),

It's been quite the ride. It truly saddens me that the ride has come to an end.

At the time I had my final meeting with the past, present, and future WMs, the writing was on the wall: I'd never be on the level again due to my gender identity. I specifically asked for a release for a simple reason: There is no such thing as a second-class mason and it was clear that was all I could be going forward. What made me a mason was my obligation. Having been released from that obligation, it makes me no mason at all, not even a wayward one.

I still plan on keeping that oath for the most part. Not out of obligation, but out of respect. Respect for an order that clearly brings meaning and light to countless people. I wish you nothing but the best and pray that your charitable brotherhood stays true to its principles through the ages (except the patriarchal one, but time will tell there).

Thank you for your understanding and it's been a pleasure. While I may not be your brother, I hope to remain your friend. I'd love to drop by for a drink in friendship sometime, if you'll have me.

Best,

Dewy

EDIT (1/14/2025): Confirming that I did, in fact, drop off the card off at the Grand Lodge with a link to the blog. They have my info if they feel the need to get in touch.