I Am (Still) Dumb

Still not like that. Well, perhaps. It's all getting a bit jumbled at this point, so I wouldn't blame someone for thinking that. But I mean the other way!

Last year around this time, I had a surgery on my vocal chords that left me completely mute for a bit of time. It was a thoroughly interesting, annoying and eye-opening experience. It left me with both a new point of view and a new appreciation for communications through non-verbal means.

Since then, I have developed selective muteness. I'm pretty sure that the period of extended silence awoke something in me that caused this whole thing, but I can't be sure. The cause hardly matters, however. I just have to deal with a reality where, without warning, I can't talk.

I haven't been able to find a consistent trigger or commonality between episodes of silence. The most inconvenient times are when it is in the middle of a conversation, particularly if it is someone who doesn't know.

Pictured: Sometimes my button gets pushed. Haven't really been able to find a pattern in it.

The other aspect of these episodes is that I have great difficulty actively engaging in an auditory manner. I need to allow the conversation flow around me as I fade into the background. I cannot be the center of attention. If I am, I'll just metaphorically fall on my face.

And, as quickly as it onsets, I will get the ability to speak back. It's an odd time, but it's my reality now.

Pour one out for the mute homies sometime.