#justleviticusthings

Whether you are religious or not, the Bible is certainly an interesting book. One of the stranger books is Leviticus, which is literally a set of rules for living in the desert, among other things. And there are oddly specific and weird rules galore! Here are some of my favorites. (I'll be using the NCV version for this, for those who care.)

Pictured: A public domain photo of an edition of the Bible from 1858, so I don't have to give credit to anyone!

1: Perjury is Bad

It is one of the commandments to "not bear false witness", but God apparently has a special rule for the court system.

"If a person is ordered to tell in court what he has seen or what he knows and he does not tell the court, he is guilty of sin." (Leviticus 5:1).

In case it being illegal (and carrying jail time of up to 7 years in NY; see NY Penal Law § 210.15) wasn't enough for you.

2: Ye Olde Cleaning Tips!

There are two chapters (14 and 15) that are devoted specifically to cleaning up skin diseases and mildew respectively. Cleanup involves less hydrogen peroxide or lemon pledge and more a priest looking it over and telling you to wait for a week or so. There's also a part where you have to kill a bird in a clay bowl full of fresh water and then bathe another bird in the blood of the first one before letting it go free (Leviticus 14:5-7).

Pictured: Get this bird some therapy!

3: Don't do Incest With the Following People

Instead of just forbidding people to have sex with all relatives in general (which is a good idea unless you are in the Royal Family), Leviticus has separate verses for each possible combination:

• Close relatives (18:6)

• Mother (18:7)

• Sister (18:9)

• Granddaughter (18:10)

• Step-sister (18:11)

• Biological Aunt on Father's side (18:12)

• Biological Aunt on Mother's side (18:13)

• In-law Aunt on Father's side (18:14)

• Daughter-in-law (18:15)

• Sister-in-law (via sibling) (18:16)

• Sister-in-law (via spouse) (18:18)

• Neighbor's wife (18:20)

In law, there is an idea that if you have a list of items (and something is left off of that list), then the things off of the list were excluded for a reason. DON'T APPLY THAT HERE.

4: Screw the Disabled!

Are you disabled and wanting to take part in ceremonies with the rest of your people? Ha!

"If any of your descendants have something wrong with them, they must never come near to offer the special food of their God. Anyone who has something wrong with him must not come near: blind men, crippled men, men with damaged faces, deformed men, men with a crippled foot or hand, hunchbacks, dwarfs, men who have something wrong with their eyes, men who have an itching disease or a skin disease, or men who have damaged sex organs." (Leviticus 21:17-20).

Pictured: No! You can't go near the special food!

Also, this is from the 1923 Hunchback of Notre Dame movie if you were curious.

5: Bodily Functions are Gross

Prior to the discovery of germ theory, people still knew that nothing can be quite as revolting as our own bodies.

"When fluid comes from a person's body, the fluid is unclean." (Leviticus 15:2).

Best to hold it.

6: Know Your Worth

If you vow to give a person as a servant to the Lord (whatever that means), you must pay a price "that is the same value as that person." (Leviticus 27:2). Do you find it difficult to put a value on a human life? Well, it's quite simple! (Leviticus 27:3-7).

Also, if you are too much of a pleb to afford these prices, you can work something out with the priest. (Leviticus 27:8).

Person Being Offered	Value in Silver	Current Value in US Dollars
Baby Boy	2 oz	$47.08
Baby Girl	1.5 oz​	$35.31
Boy > 5 y.o but < 20 y.o.	8 oz	​$188.32
Girl > 5 y.o. but < 20 y.o.	4 oz	$94.16
Boy > 20 y.o. but < 60 y.o.	1.25 lbs (20 oz)	​$470.80
Girl > 20 y.o. but < 60 y.o.	12 oz	​$282.48
Boy > 60 y.o.	6 oz	​$141.24
Girl > 60 y.o.	4 oz	​$94.16

If you're non-binary, you're priceless! (Dewy 4:20).

7: We REALLY don't like Molech

After a quick Google, Molech refers to a god of another group of people. You had better not give your kid to them and be physically within the border (unclear if you can go out of the country, do your Molech thing there, and return).

"If a person in your country gives one of his children to Molech, that person must be killed. It doesn't matter if he is a citizen or a foreigner living in Israel; you must throw stones at him and kill him." (Leviticus 20:2).

Molech. Not even once.