Memes Answering Eight Questions You Probably Shouldn't Ask a Trans Person (But People Do Anyway)

If you haven't put it together, I'm a proud trans woman (well, technically I'm transfemme non-binary, but let's take baby steps here). I came out as an adult, which meant I had several friends who were new to the whole trans thing. I've fielded a lot of questions, some of which you shouldn't ask. But people are still curious. So, here are some questions (and some statements) that you probably shouldn't ask, but still want to know the answer to.

And before you ask, I've been asked all of them (unprovoked) at some point.

1: Aren't you afraid that hormones will permanently affect your body?

There was a time where hormones permanently affected my body in a way I didn't like: when I went through puberty. Hormone replacement therapy (or HRT), though not for everyone, has helped me reclaim more of my femininity and has helped my mental health. Quite frankly, I love the changes that are happening. That's what I signed up for.

2: Are you sure about this?

It's a bit of a leap of faith at first, but this is not a decision I took lightly. There are a number of things that come along with identifying as trans from outright hostility from former friends to having to re-learn how to dress/talk/etc. If someone has made this step, it should be respected.

Also, for sake of clarity, it's not a decision to be trans. The decision is recognizing that you want to live as your truest self.

3: Well, I've always wanted to be the opposite gender and I'm not trans.

Ummm, that sounds pretty trans to me...

In all seriousness, if you have ever had some of these thoughts, I would encourage you to think through them. Even if you end up concluding "nope, not for me", you'll come out of the experience with a better idea of who you are, which is great no matter what.

4: Have you gotten top/bottom/any surgery?

Answer in the comments: What does your genitalia look like?

Oh, that makes you uncomfortable?

Who would have thought?

5: OH MY GOD, YOU NEED TO TRY... (when not asked for advice)

When I first came out, many of my female friends had various recommendations for styles, dresses, lipstick colors, moisturizers, hair products, perfumes, face creams . . . well, you get the idea. It was overwhelming on top of everything else.

And almost all of them didn't work for me. Kind of like everyone has their own style they need to find on their own.

Obviously, if someone asks you for recommendations, that's different.

6: I have another trans friend!

Okay.

Not really sure how to respond. Do you want a pat on the back or something?

Also, good to know that you reduce your friend (and probably me to others) to that fact.

If it's actually relevant to the conversation, that's one thing. But if you're just saying it to say it, it comes across as weird.

7: How is your partner/spouse/family handling it?

One of two things is happening: (a) they are supportive and everything is fine or (b) things are very much not fine.

For the first scenario, it's annoying because it assumes something is wrong when it isn't

For the second situation, you're bringing up something very personal and traumatic.

8: Oh! So this is about sex, right?

No! Gender identity does not equal sexuality and vice versa.

It certainly affects *things*, but it touches on so much more than that.

Actually, the term was changed from "transsexual" to "transgender" for this exact reason.

Remember, gender is who you go to bed as; sexuality is who you go to bed with.

Hopefully this was fun and semi-informative.