My First Offense Against Florida

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There have been a number of absolutely insane bills being proposed in states across the United States right now (sometimes seriously, sometimes as a way of scoring political "points"). Florida has been particularly egregious. (Just in the past month: example, another example, you get the idea).

Pictured: The flag of the great state of Florida.

To me, one of the most chilling proposals made is Fla. Senate Bill 1316 (pdf available here). Proposed by state senator Jason Brodeur, the bill would require blogs (specifically) that write about certain state officials to register with the state. This includes blogs discussing the governor, lieutenant governor, any cabinet member, or any member of the legislature.

Pictured: The thing I'm talking about

To be clear, this isn't the law (and may never be). But it is eerily close lèse-majesté, a crime where those who make fun of or criticize those in power are prosecuted for treason. As a country that was literally founded on a critique of the government in power, this strikes me as both un-American and extremely worrying.

So I am making this specific blog in protest. The next portion of the blog is going to be specifically "about" a certain member of the legislature (our friend Jason) and his buddy Ron De Santis.

Also, to fall within the scope of the bill, I need to receive compensation. So, this is actually a sponsored blog post! I have indeed received compensation for this. (A friend from law school paid me $0.01).

Pictured: My compensation.

Just a touch more background before we start the main event. In 2015, while he served in the Florida house, Jason Brodeur voted and advocated for a bill to allow adoption agencies to discriminate against same-sex couples due to "religious or moral convictions" (source) Coupled with the fact that Jason has been endorsed by active transphobe Gov. Ron DeSantis, I think it is safe to say that he is squarely within the anti-LGBTQ camp. So he's gonna love this.

Okay. Here we go!

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This is a story about a man named Jason. Jason wasn't sure what was wrong with life. He had a lovely family, a prestigious job; everything he ever thought he wanted. He couldn't even think of anything that would make his life better that he didn't already have. But he still felt empty. A longing for... something. Something he could never put his finger on.

The only time he felt anything was when he was at work. And even then, he wasn't sure why. Today he was excited though as he was getting paid a visit from his good friend Ron. Ron was also in politics, albeit a different branch.

"Hey there bud!" he heard behind him. Turning around, Jason could see that familiar white shirt and red tie.

"Ron! Good to see you!"

"Come on in, we have to get in a hug."

As he rested in Ron's soft embrace, Jason felt that comfort he so longed for. Someone who just got him. He let out a soft sigh. It had been a long week.

"I hate to do this to you; I know we have things to discuss, but I was just dropping by to reschedule. I'm so busy the next few weeks that I was thinking we could just discuss things over dinner tonight. Are you free?"

"Yes." Jason blurted.

"Great. I'll see you tonight."

The rest of the day went at a snail's pace. Jason kept finding himself day dreaming of seeing Ron again.

Once Jason got to the restaurant, he noticed it was a lot fancier than he was expecting. This wasn't on the government's dime. He checked his coat and walked in. In the back of the restaurant, that friendly face awaited him. Ron motioned for him to come over and stood up with a tear in his eye.

"I have something to confess Jason. I don't actually have anything to discuss. But I have something to tell you."

Jason's heart fluttered.

"I... I just... When I'm around you, I feel safe. I think I love you. And I couldn't just leave it unsaid. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore."

Jason couldn't believe it. He felt something within him spark.

"I love you Governor Ron DeSantis. I always have." said Florida State Senator Jason Brodeur.

Pictured: The happy couple.

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Jason, I highly doubt you read my blog. But, since you seem so keen on blogs that mention you, I went ahead and sent a copy to your office. Enjoy!