Unsolicited Relationship Advice

For those that don't know, I am happily married and have been with my partner since 2013. Since then, we have only been apart for a handful of times (and we hate to spend time apart). Even during COVID, when we were both working from home in a one -bedroom apartment, we found ways to appreciate the other more during that time instead of driving eachother up the wall. And now, we have a kid on the way!

So, I guess we are kind of qualified to give relationship advice. We're co-writing this blog post btw. So here's some tips that you may not have asked for, but no-one tells you.

Pictured: A random couple. Idk I needed a photo for the post to format right.

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1. Be Gross

Nothing is quite as disgusting as our own bodies. Break that seal early. The longer you wait, the more you will feel inhibited in front of the other.

2. Don't Forget to Say "Thank You"

Even when it's something you asked them to do. Even when it's something they are supposed to do. Doesn't matter. It always feels nice to be appreciated for what you do. A well timed "thank you" can just show your partner that you recognize and see their contributions to the relationship.

3. Say "I Love You" With Reckless Abandon

You really can't say it too much. It's a reminder that, no matter what is going on, you are still putting the relationship ahead of all the drama and BS that life throws at you.

4. Have Stuff That's Just Yours (Individually)

Contrary to popular belief. my partner and I are actually two different people. Don't get me wrong, our lives overlap a lot. Like a lot a lot. But its important for you to each have stuff that's just yours. Even if it's just an extra order of french fries one day. But if you overlap with everything, it can be hard not to lose one's individuality, which leads to bad places.

5. Have Stuff That's Just Yours (Together)

At the same time, it's good to have shared items that you just only do with the other person present. Whether that's some dumb show that you both like or an activity that you do together, having something that's a designated couple activity gives you something to come back to and do as a team.

6. Be Affectionate

Not everyone is as affectionate as us. And that's okay. We're pretty gross (and always have been). But you should know what level of affection is appropriate in your relationship. Err on the side of being extra nice and affectionate to your partner.

7. Fight to Resolve, Not to Win

You're going to have disagreements in a relationship. In fact, if you don't, that's a bigger red flag (in that scenario, one of you is just giving up in the name of peace and it will just grow and become a bigger problem down the line). But when you do have your disagreements, remember that the problem is not your partner, it's the arguments. Fight to resolve the argument, not to tear your partner down. You'll know if you are doing it right if you can't remember who "won" an argument but you do remember the outcome.

8. Consider Your Partner Whenever Possible

Making plans for the weekend? Deciding on how many trash cans you need in the apartment? Getting late night snacks? Take a moment to think of your partner and if there's anything you can do. Sometimes, the answer will just be "no." But often it will not be. And nothing shows appreciation like bringing an extra hot chocolate when you come home because you thought of your partner.

9. There's Always Another Way

I am a messier person than my partner, it's just how my mind functions. As a consequence, I let things go around the apartment for longer than they will. Instead of fighting over the state of the apartment, we found a system of organized chaos that involves a lot of baskets everywhere in our drop zones. This way things stay tidy enough that my partner's brain doesn't itch too much but it doesn't feel constricting for me. Win win.

10. Play To Your Strengths

You and your partner are different people with different strengths and weaknesses. Identifying these early on can help ensure that you take steps that are compatible with the other person. This can take the form of a division of labor where each of you is doing the chores they don't mind doing. This is not to say you should pawn off what you don't like doing on your partner, but that you should both be happier with what you end up with. Find synergies between your styles!

11. Be Friends

This often gets lost in the hubbub of busy lives. But remember that you are your partner's friend before pretty much anything else. Don't forget that and try to be a good friend.

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Hopefully this wasn't too lovey-dovey (but we can't help it sometimes)! :)